Birthdays and Rainbows

Here it is....the very last day we will see 10. The last tooth brushing of ten year old teeth, the last bite of macaroni and cheese in a 10 year old mouth, the last time she will see robin egg blue-green, the world,  and

herself with 10 year old eyes.

I can see it, the growth we mammas hope to see yet cringe when it come because it hurts a little this growing of our babies. Raising these babies takes all of who we are, and she took all of me the very first moment I laid tired eyes on her June of 2000.
Not knowing it would be so radical and transforming, not knowing if I had what it took to guide another heart through this life full of landmines but I listened and I heard. The voice of The One who created me and made a way for me through a life that was fertile with hurt was calling me to shepherd a heart. Me a wreck in "filthy rags" being called into this High Calling again, I shakily obeyed and prayed that I would "find grace in God's eye's". As I clutched her wrinkled wet body upon my belly I drew in a long slow deep breath in preparation for... who knew what at that time, and held it as she gasped for her first breath ....I'm holding it still, 11 years and many hurdles later holding in moments and memories that I am afraid of forgetting holding with bated breath to see if she will walk out her own salvation when I finally find the courage to take my hand off the proverbial wheel...and I look through the kaleidoscope of what is our lives and wonder how we did it and how we survived this walking things out, walking out a faith that goes from glory to glory when our personalities and moods go from glory to glory! With a twist of that kaleidoscope a truth comes into focus and that is ,that, we made it through because Jesus also takes us from Grace to Grace and there is always a rainbow at the end of each glory and each grace, she is grace and all is grace if you have the right perspective, the Christ perspective. Thank you Jesus for this High calling and holding bated breath and even for the hurting and breaking of a mamma's heart while her babies grow and mature. Thank you for a husband who is willing to stand by and let the mother-mother! Thank you for your spirit both in me and in brand new 11 year old, for provision and for your truth and your presence  which without there would be no sensing beauty in the pain, no other perspective, and no fullness of joy, Joy in the complexities of motherhood or in the bending and breaking of our wills to bow down to yours. The balloons now rendered flightless and sinking to the ground , rainbow cake half consumed, memories of a year well lived, I stand in awe understanding, knowing the answer to the How's and why's of of my parenting through the "clouds" and her growing in grace.......it's your covenant- the bow in the clouds that reminds me of your everlasting love and favor, the promise in your son broken and poured out for us mammas and babies.

And God said, This is the token of the covenant which I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for perpetual generations:
 I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth.
 And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud:
And I will remember my covenant, which is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh.
 And the bow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth.   Gen 9:12-16

 Happy Birthday Sweet one of 11!